Should I have sex? (For Male Alumni)

I am not going to advise you regarding the moral implications concerning sexual activity. You have a set of values and beliefs that already tell you whether you should or shouldn’t be sexually active, so let’s not belabor that issue. I will not, however, leave you uninformed regarding the truth about not practicing abstinence. This mistake has lead to the destruction of many Pinehaven Alumni before you, and I will stop at nothing to assist in preventing that in your life.

I will tell you a few simple truths about sex. Then we will discuss the implications of living an active sexual lifestyle. From there, you can make your own decisions, and accept your own consequences.

1)      I can absolutely guarantee that if you do not have sex, you will not get a girl pregnant.

2)      If you do have sex, and don’t use contraceptives, you have a 97% chance of getting a girl pregnant.

3)      If you do have sex, and don’t use protection, you have a 46% chance of getting an STD (Sexually Transmitted Disease).

4)      Having sex with a girl does not demonstrate masculinity in any way shape or form.

5)      Having sex with a girl does not secure a relationship between you and her.

6)      Just because a girl has sex with you, it does not mean she loves, or even likes you.

So, here’s the truth. If you do decide to live a sexually active lifestyle, you take on many risks. Ask yourself these questions. Am I ready to be a father? Am I willing to contract a disease that will kill me?

If the answer is yes, then spin the wheel and take your chances. If the answer is no, then begin to think and plan ahead of time what you will do. Keep in mind that no contraceptive is 100% effective. Condoms can fail, and female contraceptives can fail (or not even be taken).  Never accept a condom from a girl. Even if it’s wrapped, a needle can be stuck through from the seam undetectably. Never assume that a girl is telling the truth when she says she’s “on the pill”, or has an IUD (internal device that helps prevent pregnancy). Never assume that your sexual partner is STD free – just because she says so.

Now, for the emotional side of sex. Leaving Pinehaven, you more than likely have a deep desire for approval. You want to demonstrate that “masculine” nature you’ve developed working long hours on the ranch. Your first reaction to meeting a girl is going to be an attempt to demonstrate this false sense of masculinity. I can assure you that by getting a girl to have sex with you, you will not be demonstrating this in any way shape or form. Simply put – you have no idea what you are doing. To this end, avoid sexual activity as a way to “prove yourself” to a girl. Sex does not make you a man, rather being able to care for, protect, and build up a woman while maintaining your own responsibilities…that’s what makes you a man.

Never, I repeat, never – have sex with a girl in order to keep her with you. If you ever receive a sexual ultimatum (do it, or else I will…) – do not walk, RUN away. The girl who presents this is insecure, irresponsible, and is only trying to lock you into a relationship on her terms. This control method is often accompanied by sabotage of birth control and contraceptives, and will surely trap you into a dependent relationship, and ultimately a parental burden.

Finally, never assume that because a girl has sex with you, that she loves you, cares for you, or even likes you. Many times, an insecure and irresponsible girl will attempt to lock you into a financial burden (using a child), solely for the monthly check. Be wary of women who come on to you very quickly. They can make you feel attractive, desirable, and manly, but in the end will leave you with nothing, except possibly a paternal responsibility or an irreversible health condition. If you have joined the military, be extra cautious. Military towns are crawling with women searching to land themselves a man because they know you have financial stability, a constant paycheck, and that the Department of Defense will not allow you to deny your children support.

Women your age are as curious about sex as you are. Many are looking for the relationship stability you might also seek, and may be making similar mistakes as you. Having sex with these women may be an easy thing to do, as they may initiate the idea. Once again, be wary of these attractive propositions. Even if you practice “safe” sex, you may be binding a relationship together that you do not want long-term, and will be subject to great drama, heartache and possible public humiliation once you attempt to end the relationship.

Remember these three points, and it will help you protect your mind, your heart, your body and your life from adverse consequences:

1)      There is no greater accelerator of both positive and negative human emotions than sexual union. No faster way to attach yourself emotionally to another. However, just like anything else in nature, speed and stability are rarely cooperative elements.

2)      There is no such thing as “safe” sex. Whether physical, emotional, or mental – every sexual relationship has lifelong effects. Do not think for a second that a one night stand, a single encounter, or even a drunken “hook up” will ever leave your mind. More guilt is linked to sexual actions than any other source.

3)      There is no such thing as a 100% effective form of contraceptive. Medical contraceptives require honesty, while physical contraceptives require proper use – both allow a very small margin of error. 

If you choose to have sex – then you choose to risk negative consequences. Ask yourself if it’s worth it. Make up your mind, and live with the responsibility of your decisions.

Should I get a Girlfriend?

Imagine for a moment, if you will – a horse. Day in and day out, the horse is contained within a corral with nothing to do but eat, sleep and stare off into the horizon dreaming of running through the fields, over hills, anywhere and as far away from his corral as possible. Yet, for some reason unbeknownst to the horse, it is never let free. While in the corral it has all the creature comforts of the world outside that fence. It has plenty of food to eat, plenty of water to drink, and companionship with other horses. The only thing missing from that horses life is freedom – the choice to roam where he wants, to fend for himself, and to risk everything, or nothing at his own will.

What will happen when, after years of being penned up, the horse is finally set free? Will he automatically adopt the behaviors and lifestyle that he has grown accustomed to while penned up, or will he run free and far, experiencing every step, every breath, and every horizon that he can?

I am in no way insinuating that you have the intelligence of a horse! I am, however, attempting to paint a clear picture of what you are experiencing now that you have left the structured confines of Pinehaven Christian Children’s Ranch. You have been set free, and the choice is yours to make regarding what you will do, how you will act, and whether you will follow your natural human inclinations, or exercise self-control, prudence and civility as you venture into this new world you have only been able to dream about.

Let’s start with some foundational understandings that will set a foundation for your decision making regarding interacting with females in the “real world”.

1)  You are physically, biologically and absolutely 100% male, therefore you think like a male, feel like a male, and experience the chemical, hormonal, and sexual stimulations of a male.

2)  These chemical, hormonal and sexual stimulations are natural, not wrong.

3)  These chemical, hormonal and sexual stimulations can be controlled.

4)  You have had a very limited amount of interaction with females and have little understanding of their psychological and physiological makeup.

5)  The little exposure you have had to females has been within a contained, controlled, unnatural setting – altering the reality of real, genuine human emotion, and natural social interaction.

6)      The behavioral patterns you have witnessed amongst females within a contained, controlled, unnatural setting are not the behavioral patterns that exist in the “real world”.

7)  You have lived within a system of gender role establishment and hierarchy that is misaligned with modern society (i.e. men work, woman wash, cook, clean and serve men).

Now that we have identified the foundational understandings that will set a foundation for your decision making regarding female interaction, let’s explore ways to use these factors to your benefit, your protection, and ultimately to your success in relationships and friendships.

Understand Your Physical Nature

You are a man. You have the body, mind and spirit of a man. However, you do not have a natural inclination to act like a man. A man thinks of others before himself. A man takes care of the situations and environments around him, claiming responsibility rather than accepting it. A man maintains control over himself, his desires, his emotions and his actions.

Now that you have left the sheltered, censored social environment of Pinehaven Christian Children’s Ranch, you are going to witness an entire new world of possibilities that did not exist behind your barbed wire and cattle guard commune. You will see images. You will hear of opportunities. You will feel new emotions, and you will more than likely simultaneously feel confusion, amazement, curiosity and absolute wonder. Your world has now expanded beyond routine into diversity, and you will have more options, more opportunities, and more choices than you’ve ever had before. But here’s the catch – you can only choose one path. You cannot have it all.

You only get one moment, one minute, one hour and one day. You cannot relive any decision you make, and although you may make amends, you can never take back a word or an action. Once the bullet has left the barrel, there is no stopping it. To this end, you must live each moment for itself and for its greatest benefit. Each moment’s greatness is built upon the success of previous moments. To this end, you must exercise the self-control, the responsibility to yourself that will ensure that your future moments are as great and wonderful as the moment you stand at now.

So what does all this have to do with girls?

At this moment, you have nothing to offer a woman. Sorry, but it’s true. You could offer love, but you do not fully understand what love a women is searching for, because you do not have an honest understanding of woman. This is not your fault, but it is your responsibility to learn. Would you take on the responsibility of running a factory if you did not know how each machine works, or even what the product is that the factory produces? Absolutely not! You must view woman in the same fashion. You must take the time to learn about women, talk to women, and discover the amazing power, compassion, and creativity that personality that women have. You must take the time to study them, and most importantly, learn from them. Do not assume to know anything about them, but always assume responsibility for them.

Eventually, as you learn more about woman, you will begin to understand how your manliness can fit into their lives, not as a controlling, authoritative leader, but as a companion, a protector and a teammate. You will understand how to love.

This is when you are ready to consider, “Should I have a girlfriend?”

Can I…Should I…How Do I…go to College?

There is nothing more important to your future than education. As you leave Pinehaven Christian Children’s Ranch, you may be well on your way to a college already, possibly even a Christian college. If so, then congratulations.

For those of you who have yet to decide what you want to do with your life, be patient, careful and deliberate. As with nearly every decision you will have to make in life, it is important to clearly identify, understand, and accept the environment around you. To this end, it is important that you understand a few key points before we continue discussing your education.

1. You do not have a High School Diploma…sorry.
2. All colleges and university are not the same, and do not offer equal educational opportunities.
3. If not going to a Christian College, you need to get your GED.
4. You do not need to know what you want to do with your life.
5. You are not prepared for collegiate studies.
6. Finances are the last thing that should keep you away from a quality education.

Let me explain these points a little further in order to establish the academic environment you’re about to encounter.

Your Diploma

Odd as it may sound, I hold a Bachelors Degree, but I never graduated High School! How can this be? I was accepted initially by Atlanta Christian College in 2000 after submitting my ACT scores and my Diploma and transcripts from Pinehaven Christian School. Truth is, I was lucky – naïve, but lucky.  I had applied to a total of 7 colleges (4 private Christian, 3 public universities), and was only accepted by four. I assume you can reasonably deduct which institutions accepted and rejected my credentials. Many other alumni have had this identical issue, and this silent deception has ruined promising academic careers while keeping bright, motivated students out of public universities for some time.

You might ask why. Why would Pinehaven School avoid accreditation? Simply put, the Larsson families operate under the misguided and false impression that accreditation requires secular education methods. Additionally, the increased standards required by accreditation regulations would greatly diminish their graduation rate (i.e. their greatest annual selling point). Pinehaven Christian School is the only school in the entire nation that can boast a 100% graduation rate. Finally, the goal of Pinehaven Christian School was not to educate you, but direct you – direct you in doctrine, understanding, and towards a preferred Christian College. The Larssons do not want you to attend a “secular” university, and have therefore made it nearly impossible for you to do so while under their control.

Educational Equality?

While attending a Christian College will provide a satisfactory education, it is by no means of the same caliber that you can attain at an acclaimed liberal arts university. Simply put, the diminished availability of subjects reduces the academic capabilities of these institutions by default. Am I saying that Christian or faith-based universities are not good options? By no means. If you wish to go into the ministry, then they are your greatest resource and your finest option. However, if you are looking to earn a well-rounded education that can direct your life towards your greatest professional and academic capabilities, then you need to devote yourself to applying and selling yourself to an esteemed academic institution. But which school should you apply to, and how do you get in without a recognized, accredited High School Diploma?

Getting a GED

The quickest way for you to wipe away the involuntary stain of academic inadequacy you’ve inherited from Pinehaven Christian School is to take some initiative and study for the GED. You may be well suited to pass this test, but the manner in which it is delivered is far removed from the LifePac curriculum you have become accustomed to over the years. For this reason, enroll in a GED preparation program so that you will reduce your investment of time and money securing GED certification. This training will serve you well in transitioning from Pinehaven School’s self-guided system of learning to that which you will more than likely be using throughout the rest of your academic career. 

Once you have passed the GED, you will be well-suited to overcome your involuntary deficiencies, leaving no excuse but to succeed. This process will do much more for you than get you into a good school, but will also bring you a great sense of satisfaction and accomplishment as you break the mold of institutionalization. You will have taken a small step towards becoming your own person, which will lead to bigger steps. Keep on this pattern of personal development, and you will soon be well suited for academic, professional and personal success.

What do you want to do with your life?

The answer is simple. It doesn’t matter. Due to your isolation at Pinehaven Christian Children’s Ranch, you have not had the benefit of actual exposure to your potential, talents and capabilities outside of a strict, self-defining environment. For this reason, you will be well suited to enroll with general academic courses, expanding your comfort levels to the limit until you discover what really excites you and captivates your mind. Join organizations, travel, and experience every morally acceptable avenue of life that you can - doing so will keep you busy, interested, and help you stay out of trouble.

Are you ready for college?

Sadly…no. I hate to admit it to you, but due to the structure of your high school academics, you are going to be greatly challenged in a collegiate atmosphere. At Pinehaven School, you had a set amount of subjects, a set amount of quantitative work that must be completed, a completely standardized format of testing throughout each subject, and most importantly, the ability to test and advance in small, digestible, reviewable increments.

In a collegiate atmosphere, you will be given large amounts of required reading (approximately 20-30 times what you are used to). From this reading, only about 5-8% will be referenced on the test. The rest of the material will come from class lectures, where you will need to take notes, identify key information, and most likely collaborate with other students. Additionally, you will need to schedule your own attendance, study, recreation and social periods. These are all tasks you are most likely not familiar with.

In order to adapt to this new environment, you will need to go against your own natural tendencies. You will need to lessen your burden. Don’t be influenced by other students who begin taking full schedules (16-20 semester hours), as these students are familiar with this style of learning, but instead take only the minimum full time class load (most likely 12 semester hours) and build up each semester an hour or two until you are on par with the rest of your class. This system will allow you to ease into your new academic environments without the stress, panic, and probable failure that many of your previous alumni have experienced.

It is important that you understand the following statement – Many Pinehaven Alumni have gone on to college, but very few have graduated.

You’ve most likely heard about the great successes of Pinehaven Christian Children’s Ranch, particularly about all the kids in the past few years that have gone on to college. What you didn’t hear was how many of them left after one year, one semester, or less. Sadly, this is the case for the majority. I urge you to break that pattern. Learn slow, learn smart, work hard, and calculate every move for your own benefit. You are not going to college for Pinehaven, your parents, your friends, or even for your classmates. You do not need their approval, or even their support. You are there for you, so make the decisions that most greatly benefit your success, and you will do just fine.

The Cost of Education

So, you’re motivated to move onto college, put some posters on the wall of a smelly dorm room and hit the books, but wait, who’s paying for all this? Your parents don’t have the money, you didn’t have access to scholarships at Pinehaven School, and your part-time job isn’t even going to cover your books!

What I am about to tell you should be taken only within the context that I give it. The worst thing you can do for yourself is to rack up large amounts of debt, but student loans are one of the most financially intelligent decisions you can make due to their low interest rates, flexible and long-term payment plans, and their overall debt to potential ratio. They are the lowest risk debt you can take. This advice does not apply to ANY other form of loans or credit.

If after Federal Student Aid, small scholarships, summer full-time work, and any applicable gifts or scholarships, you have a school expense of $8,000 a year ($24,000 for four years), you will be looking at a monthly payment of approximately $220. This payment starts six months after your graduation date and will be paid for with a salary that (on average) is 43% higher than the wages you can expect to receive without a degree. Be careful, however, there are many private lenders that will try to snatch your business, charge you insane interest, and leave you in financial peril. The best way to avoid this is to work out your student loans with your college’s financial aid office.

In simple terms – don’t be afraid to invest yourself, but never let yourself down.

All of us in the Pinehaven Alumni Support Network wish you the greatest success and are available to assist you in any way we can as you take on the challenges of higher education. Going on to college after Pinehaven is tough, but you can do it. We can help.